For Harrison and Kelly. On your wedding.
O God, You made us to be interconnected. Because of that,honor, suffering, and many of the experiences of living are shared among us. (I Cor. 12). Teach us not to unfairly judge or despise each other in thought, word or deed. Remind us by Your Spirit that we will give an account for ourselves, and help us to focus on our own duties, far more than the duties of others. (Rom 14) Help us to accept that we cannot control one another. We humbly admit that You are God, not us, and that no man can ransom the soul of another, no matter how hard he tries. (Ps. 49)
Once we are focused on ourselves in relation to You, we know and claim the truth that we can, individually, change-- bit-by-bit, toward a truer version of what You created us to be. (2Cor. 3) We can become increasingly consistent with our values and mission, which we derive from You. (Ps. 119:5) Help us to be like Jesus in love and connection to others while we grow, even when others are unkind, destructive, or feel intolerable. We admit we often don’t know what that kind of love looks like, and we can be thrown off our guard, so give us divine help.
Save us from the trap of endlessly asking why-- digging-in to the psychology of ourselves and each other, as it distracts us from acknowledging uncomfortable truths, and it doesn’t ultimately heal our families. (2Tim 3:7) Guide us to be consistent, decisive leaders. (Eph 4:14) Give us wisdom in being spouses and parents, not coddling children (or each other), but lovingly disciplining children and spurring other adults to better self-discipline by modeling and encouragement. (Prov. 29:17, 1Tim 4:12) In the event that a person, even a leader, of the family is operating “like an infant, tossed to and fro” by emotion, doctrine, etc; or like King Saul, under an evil spirit, may we respond with an attitude of I Cor 15:58 “Steadfast, immovable, and abounding” in Your work.
Lord, help us to submit to knowing that a change in ourselves is what is most likely to result in a change of heart in another adult. (I Pet 3) Lord, give us the confidence, all of our days, to know who we are, and what to do because of our identity in You, knowledge of Your word, and Your voice within us. (Is. 30:23, Rom. 8:16) Help us pass this ideal down to our children and generations beyond.
Give us the spirit of Jesus, calm in a boat in a storm at sea. Give us the wisdom and fairness of King Solomon. May we be willing and eager to have our sensitivities and wrong turns exposed, and may we treat each other with special care, especially those that are the most vulnerable. (1 Cor. 12:23)Give us strength to not lose heart, though outwardly we are wasting away, renew us every day. (2 Cor 4:16) Ten thousand will fall at our side, but they will not come near us. (Ps. 91:7-12) We know that Satan is a saboteur, that we are fighting against principalities and powers. Deliver us from evil. (Eph. 6:12-13, Mt. 6:9-13) May those who spread a net for us be caught in it themselves. (Ps. 141:10) May those who dig a pit for us fall in it themselves. (Ps. 57:6) May we not turn back when we see others attempt to sabotage us, and may we see past the individual’s wrong actions to the evil spirits behind their actions.
May we not allow thoughts of illness, fears of illness, or actual illness, mental or physical, change our motives one bit. Steady us in the face of illness, giving us the spirit of Moses when he held his hands up to You. (Ex. 17) When we become weary, give us a rock to sit on and friends to hold us up so that we can continue our work for You to the end, fearlessly.
Help us to deeply know that we are not being selfish by adhering to our calling. (Mt. 19:29) May we not give in to undue guilt placed upon us by others, and may we not place that guilt upon each other. (Jn. 11:29, Luke 2)
May we have soft hearts and thick skin, and not the other way around. (Ez. 36:26, Mk. 10:21) Turn our vision right side up and make it clear, so that we do not overreact to our own flaws in others. (Mk. 8) Remind us to remove the log from our own eye before we try to pull out the splinter in another’s. (Mt. 7:3-5)
We will remind ourselves that our children are fearfully and wonderfully made, and we will know that well within our souls.(Ps. 139:14) We thank You for equipping us to guide our children in accordance with their strengths and to grow in their weaknesses. We commit not to worry, as You have commanded us, over concerns regarding our children. (Mt. 6:25-34)
Lord, keep us vigilant every day to tend to our own sanctification. May we view every day as significant, a Super Bowl, a mountain climb, a marathon, that we can conquer, doing all things through You, who strengthens us, so we may hear “well done, good and faithful servant” at the end of this day in our spirits, and at the end of all our days-- face to face with You.(Ps. 118:24, Phil. 4:13, Mt. 25:23) Help us to live the way we will have wished we would have lived when we stand before You.
Give us an understanding of the problems common to man so that we can be proactive rather than reactive when it comes to navigating life. (James 1:5) May we not be confused by the trappings of this life, especially regarding wealth, status, and possessions. Help us to know the difference between making mudpies…and a holiday at sea.1 May we be vigilant, looking out for evil, and seeking Your wisdom as precious gold. (1 Pet. 5:8, Prov. 16:16) May we be mentally flexible enough to adapt our views continually to our values that are rooted in You, but mentally resilient enough to resist intimidation, false obligation, false guilt, and the temptation to constantly please others with our actions. (Gal. 1:10)
Please take our ill tempers away. (Js. 1:19-20) May we not be emotionally reactive. Shut the door on all in us that does not bear the fruit of Your Spirit. Give us the gift of humor, that we may be able to relieve tension with an apt word. (Prov. 17:22, Prov. 25:11) That said, grant us patience when our beloved is standing in front of that drawer we want to open. Again. (Eph. 4:1-2)
Protect us from any member of the family, especially a leader, from becoming dysfunctional. Guard our minds from addictions, mental illnesses, unhealthy distortions of thought, and the like. May we be safe people and be protected from unsafe people. Protect us from obsessing over any one member of the family. Protect us from conflict with each other, and keep us from distancing ourselves from each other. (1 Cor. 1:10) Give us all a spirit to resolve conflict with one another. Help us to understand that our refusal to make amends, repair, and not repeat mistakes will create distance between us, and that is not Your desire, O Lord. (Ps. 133:1-3) Correct our pride, Lord, and bring those who are unwilling to make things right to a point where they greatly desire to admit their wrongs and make peace with all. (Rom. 12:18)
Prevent us from seeking to bond through unhealthy means: through common enemies, common sins, illness, complaining,or other deceptive ties. (Prov. 18:8)
May we instill wonderful habits in our children. Keep us from modeling bad habits to our children. (1 Tim. 4:12, Deut. 6:1-9)
Break the family sins and dysfunctions that have rolled down through the generations. May this family unit create a new, healthy, and sustainable system. Lord, in Your light do we see light. Your word is a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path. Give this family an undying commitment to the truth, and a relentless adherence to reality. May we not bend, distort or twist reality in any way towards our own interests, and so become deluded, distracted, misguided, and turned in on ourselves.2 Make our paths straight.
Though interconnected as family, may we treat each other asindividuals - born persons, acting with respect, honor, and courtesy toward one another. May we not carelessly call another’s thoughts, actions, personality, words, deeds or possessions our own.
May we all turn toward those in the family who are willing to admit wrongs, and to constantly work toward their own sanctification. May those individuals be doubly blessed and receive the support and energy of us all. May we also strive to be that person. (Js. 4:10, Js. 5:16-18, Js. 4:6)
Surprise and delight this family by helping us bond through the gifts of Your Creation: music, nature, and all sorts of things that are lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy. (Phil. 4:8)
And now bind us together with the ties of peace through Your Spirit, as we gaze on You all our days, and walk arm-in-arm toward Your eternal Kingdom, where we will enjoy You forever, together. (Eph. 4:3, Ps. 24:7, Mt. 6:33, 2 Cor. 4:17, Phil. 1:19-23, Ps. 145)
Amen.
1-CS Lewis, The Weight of Glory
2- St. Augustine
3- The Basic Understanding of Bowen/Friedman by Katie James. https://tetragonlift.substack.com/p/principles