The Parasitic Habit
Mason offers a compelling warning in Philosophy of Education (pp. 48–49) that resonates deeply and demands our attention:
"A snare which attends the really brilliant teacher is the exhausting effect upon the children of an overpowering personality. They are such ardent and responsive little souls that the teacher who gives them nods and becks and wreathed smiles may play the Pied Piper with them, but he or she should beware. The undue play of the personality of the teacher is likely to suppress and subdue that of his scholars, and not only so, children are so eager to live up to the demands made upon them that they may be brought to a state of continual nervous over-pressure under the influence of a charming personality... The girl who kisses the chamber door of her class mistress will forget this lady by and by, but the parasitic habit has been formed, and she must always have some person or some cause on which to hang her body and soul."
As guardians of these “ardent and responsive little souls,” we must ensure they do not develop the habit of "hanging" their sense of self on others. In my own household, I have a simple reminder for my four boys: “Stay in your boots."
We’ve all seen—or perhaps even been—a grown woman (or man) who cannot move forward without the approval or validation of others. This is not the future we want for our children. They are born persons, capable and whole, and it is our responsibility to guard against the Pied Piper syndrome.
How Can We Prevent It?
Here are a few practical suggestions:
1. Hand the Thinking Back to the Student
For those of us with eager minds and much to say, it requires conscious effort to step back. Rather than over-explaining or solving problems for our children, we must leave space for them to engage, reason, and arrive at conclusions independently.
2. Focus on Effort, Not Approval
When a student seeks affirmation for their work, center your feedback on their effort, perseverance, and process—not on whether the result pleases you. This subtle shift reinforces their intrinsic motivation rather than their need for external validation.
3. Model Discernment Toward Charismatic Figures
Avoid drawing undue attention to particularly winsome or charming people, whether in media or real life. Show your children, through your own behavior, how to respect and appreciate others without becoming overly enthralled or dependent.
4. Be Attentive and Accessible
As parents, we should strive to be a safe and consistent presence in our children’s lives. When we are emotionally available, encouraging, and enjoyable to be around, they are less likely to seek validation elsewhere.
Encouragement, Not Suppression
The opposite of “suppress and subdue” is to encourage and awaken. As a “talky-talky” teacher or parent, it’s easy to feel that we’re doing just that. But feelings can be misleading. The truth is found in the instruction the Bible champions: “In quietness and trust is your strength” (Isaiah 30:15).
Within each child lies the ability to engage with the world on their own terms, without coercion or reliance on external approval. Trust in that ability. Dare to break away from societal norms that prize performance and charisma over quiet strength.
In doing so, we lighten our own load. We might even discover our own unique person—awakened and encouraged—as we nurture the same in our children.
*Art- The Pied Piper of Hamelin, James Elder Christie, 1881